Jay's Termination Memo

Jay Daniels is no longer with the company.  We decided to let him go because we wanted to save some money and did not take into consideration talent or effort.  We also found the fact that he enjoyed his job and the show's charity work, inconsequential.  After profanity-laced tirad against his inept supervisors, Jay was asked to turn in his key.  On the way out, Jay took all of his friends with him, leaving no one to run the station.  We will miss him riding that little bike around the building and we will no actually have to hire someone to clean the counters in the control room and shovel the back sidewalk.  We wish him well in his future endeavors.  Actually, we could care less about his future and we hope he dies.

Kevin's Termination Memo

Kevin James has left Citadel Spokane.  We wish him well in his future endeavors.  Ok that is not totally true.  We say that he “left” making it sound like it was his decision…believe me it was not. He was pretty upset…he even cried.   It was MY decision I needed to cut some money from the budget so that my bottom line looked better.  You think I’m gonna give up that year end bonus.. I don’t think so…homey don’t play dat. As far as wishing him well in his future endeavors…that is not totally true either.  It would be great if he got a nice job doing something that didn’t cause  us any troubles.   I mean  if he stays in radio I hope he fails miserably…because if he goes to another station and becomes popular that is gonna make the company really mad and make me look even worse…that would not be good.   Maybe he could just go back to Harrington and grow wheat or cows or something.  That would be great and I would wish him well in that endeavor. If you have any questions please feel free to stop by my office, or actually just send me an email…that would probably be easier than a face to face. Thanks and Happy Holidays.

What it would say

“Bob Cassle is know longer with the companie.  We whish him well in his future indevors

What it should say

We are sorry to announce today that due to the lack of appreciation we’ve had for such a fine worker, Bob Castle is no loner with the company.  It pains us to have to write such a memo.  But budget constraints, the blatant disregard for true talent and my need to bonus and get a new plasma TV has left Bob with no choice but to find a company that actually cares for its employees.  This is certainly becoming a tragic case of you never really knew what you had until it is gone.  It has become utterly apparent that Bob worked an extraordinary amount of hours each day and worked very hard during those hours.  Not to mention the countless hours of personal time he sacrificed for this company.  It’s sad to say that I had no idea of just how many things Bob did while being faithfully employed here over the past (enter number of years here) years.  He never called in sick and only screamed, broke things and complained when things did not work or when ideas from my office were completely uncalled for.  He cared a great deal about every other ambitious worker in this building.  So I can kill two birds with one stone, let me take a moment in this memo to introduce you to Rick, Steve, Tom, Rachael, Sue and Jim.  These new employees will be taking over Bob’s position.

Thanks,

Mr. Management

Back to Main